Training with a Heavy Heart

It's been just over a week since the unexpected loss of our family dog Lyoko. Mel, JJ and I have heavy hearts. Today, we received her ashes and cried some more. It is hard to let go of the sadness and guilt.

Weird...But I have never really had to deal with a loss like this. Never really dealt with this kind of pain and grief. I can't figure out the right way to say Goodbye. How do you release the guilt and sadness? How do you move on? How do you somehow convince yourself that there is a reason for this...I've prayed about it and asked God for guidance...But so far...no meaning...no enlightenment.

Training has been hard.

Siesta Key on May 9 seems so trivial. Sometimes I am in the pool or on a run and just think about our girl and how much she loved the car rides and going on walks and showing off her tricks. I get the visions of her tail wagging and the way she always nudged up against us to get our attention. Such unconditional love and loyalty.

There have been some set-backs and victories since New Orleans. The ankle continues to act up although not nearly as bad as it has been. Regular icing and 800 mgs of Motrin seems to be doing the trick in terms of managing the swelling and pain. I feel that if I can ease the runs and up the swims and biking, I will be fine.

Some victories include a few Swim sessions that exceeded what I thought was possible...I recently did a 1000 warm up and then 16x100s in 1:35 with 25 seconds rest. Pre-New Orleans, I could not do 11 in a row. I have felt strong in the open water...I can do 20-25 minutes without breathing hard. The buoyancy in the ocean is incredible. Then, today, I did 1800m of drill work and moderate swimming and then did a 200 "anger" swim...Pissed off, I went all out and did a 200m in 2:53 which was nice...I knew I could do a 100 in under 1:30 after some tough drill sets...but did not know I had a sub 3minute 200m at the end of a tough work-out. On June 7, I have my heart set on a 6 minute swim at the end of the Naples Sprint triathlon (400m)...

I also did a 30 mile bike on Sunday in 21.0 mph and then held 7:15s for a 3 mile transition run. So that is also progress...and with the rest I took after New Orleans, I have manged to stay at 166 lbs and have felt stronger in my free weight work-out sessions.

Just found out that I am locked out of Disney 70.3. Snooze you lose. I was going to enter, do the swim and bike and then drop out. Just as a good training effort since I will be there anyway. Bummer.

Still mulling over the Ironman Louisville plan. Just not really motivated by the Ironman distance and much more intrigued by the World Championships and possibly trying to qualify in Cancun or Augusta, GA in late September. This is part of my problem. Proscrastination and lollygagging. I need to make the decision and go for it. Once and for all.

But it is tough to plan and prioritize with a heavy heart. That is for sure...

"The Big (Not so) Easy"

Back from New Orleans.

What an experience...

Got to The Big Easy on Friday night. Checked in at the W Hotel and went right to Pre-Race Briefing and Registration at the Marriott Hotel. The Expo was underwhelming. The Pre-Race Briefing was overwhelming. Must be the latest media attention regarding sudden cardiac death in the swim portion of triathlons because the theme of the briefing seemed to center around the number of EMTs who would be in the water and how prepared they were to scrape us off the lake floor if we went down...

It was a twilight zone moment for me. Hundreds of athletes with shaved legs and Ironman Visors staring at their watches to get through a mandatory briefing about potentially life saving procedures...Kinda like the flight attendants giving the safety instructions on a flight with no one watching / listening...I of course took copious notes and looked at Melissa with horror...I whispered..."I don't there is anyone in here who I can beat!"

Met up with Anthony, Brandon, Ralph, Macray and Bill. Great people. Great fellowship. Had an awesome dinner and talked incessantly about splits, shaving, weight, work-outs, race day nutrition, race wheels and how much T-Bart and Macray were ready to qualify for the World Championships.

The boys packed it in at 10 PM.

The rest of the night was a blur. My wife doesn't get out as much any more as she is the most loyal, dedicated and committed Mom and wife I know...so bring her to the French Quarter on a Friday night with no kids...and well...that's another story for another blog...let's just say that we had a lot of fun, went to places that married couples don't usually go...and didn't realize that there were still bars in this country where you could smoke cigarettes (disgusting). We didn't sleep til like 3 AM.

Fast forward...like maybe 3 hours...to Saturday morning's pre-race swim, run and bike...I forgot that I did not have a good tolerance anymore for beer, merlot, vodka shots and more beer as a way of "taking it easy" 30 hours before my first half IronMan.

I took 1200 mgs of Motrin (for my bum ankle - LOL)...and headed off to the Lake...Beautiful, Clean, Lake Pontchatran...Really...it was clean...and it was beautiful...and HUGE! When I got to the swim start, I found three young kids playing football in an open field and immediately missed my son JJ. After playing catch with the kids...I learned that they were Heather Golnick's kids...as in 4th ranked Pro in the world Heather Golnick...she was out on her pre-race bike ride...she is from Bradenton, FL which is cool (pride in SW Florida!)...her husband was very cool and very humble...they have a special needs daughter which makes her story even more interesting...I rooted for her on Sunday!

The pre-race swim was great...I did it in tri shorts so that I would have a better feeling in my wet suit...This will now be a pre-race tradition for me. Swam for 15 minutes EZ and felt great...except for that hangover headache...Ran for 15 minutes and felt great...my bum ankle was okay. Major props. to Anthony's friend Dr. Ralph who "adjusted" my ankle 4 times pre-race...wow...what a difference!

Set up my bike in transition (great spot between two palm trees...on the fence). When I set up my bike...the Cervelo next to mine had an explosion...front tire...blew...I thought, "God I hope he comes early tomorrow"...took it easy on Saturday night...went to bed at about 9PM...slept well which was a first before a big race...so the party night was actually a blessing in disguise...

Sunday morning. Never need an alarm on race mornings. 4:30 AM...I am up. Nice room service oatmeal, banana and power bar...Nailed a great "deuce" which is a pre-requisite for a good race. Met a great guy from Indiana on the shuttle to transition. Suddenly realized how much I appreciate Florida and my ability to train year round.

Head to transition...Butterflies...Reminded myself of my goals...First goal was to finish and have fun...really...have fun and smile. Brian always says I have to smile or choose a different sport...Time goal was 5:20...Wanted to go 35 swim, 2:50 bike, 1:50 run...5 min. transitions for a 5:20 on the button...

Secretly I thought the run time was a slam dunk...Boy was I in for a rude awakening....

Awesome 1 mile walk to the swim start...Ipod cranking..."I can only Imagine" by Mercy Me...."Victory" by Notorious B.I.G "Lose Yourself" by Eminem...all the essentials.

15 minutes to go...had to pee...long lines at Porta-Potty...no doubt, the lake is gonna be a little bit warmer when I get in it...I put on my wetsuit backwards...with the zipper in the front...got weird stares...then, one guy says..."Dude...your wet suit is on backwards..." I say "Yeah...I know...I am stretching it out..." As if he was the asshole who didn't know what I was doing...Funny. What a complete basket case I am...

National Anthem. Pro start. Stretch. I am ready...wow. I am really ready.

Into the water...

Horn. Go. Feel great. Smaller waves. No violence. Great strong strokes. Swimming a little crooked but feel great...Note to self...learn to go slower and stop less to site...I tend to go 100 meters hard...then stop to get my bearings...hard then stop...Next time I will go longer with better, more methodical strokes...Smooth and long...Not hard, stop and go.

Hit what I thought was mid-way in 19 minutes. Panicked. Way too slow. Picked it up and went hard to the end. Stood up at 33:50 and crossed the line in 35:03. Goal # 1 ... accomplished. Felt great cardio wise. Got through transition and only had to toil a bit with my wet suit...not bad for my first 70.3 transition...

I get out on the bike course...cyclist down...must be a guy who leaves transition, fiddles with his odometer...hits a cone...and down he goes...

1.26 miles in, I hit a big bump and my odometer goes out...pull over...squeeze it back on. It goes out again at mile 4. I stop again to squeeze it back on. It goes out again at 12 miles...I make a mental note on my watch and decide to go without any speed guage whatsoever...

Great ride. I must have past 60+ people in the first 15 miles...it was down-wind and when I had a speed guage...I was averaging 24-25mph...I got a little nervous that I was going too hard, too early...but it just felt great to be on the open rode with the new Zipp Race wheels...

Last 10 miles were tough...mostly into the wind...and over two sizable bridges...I have not put in enough bike miles and I feel it every time at mile 40...I start to really labor and feel the pain in my quads...But I came in to transition in 2:45...Second goal...EXCEEDED...

By then, I had taken two large water bottles of half gatorade / half water. And I had somehow put down a small Pure Protein bar...Gastrointestinally, I felt okay...Not hungry...a little thirsty...but okay...

In transition, I drank what was left of a third water bottle that I had started drinking after the swim...Transition 2 was SLOW. I believe 6minutes+ combined for both transitions...Transition goal NOT met.

Ran out of transition and couldn't really turn my legs over. I had done several transition runs but not many after 56 miles...

I forced down another Protein Bar and it sucked. My mouth was dry and I could barely swallow; but the boys insisted that I get some nutrition / carbs in me at the start of the run.

Sun out. Head Wind. Oppressive humidity.

First mile was 8:45. I knew I was in trouble.

Second mile was 8:55. Uh ohhh...

Third mile 9:00+...That really sucked...I knew I had a 5 minute "bank" of time thanks to a good bike...But I also knew that 9 minute miles were really BAD for me. I then committed to NEVER look at my watch again.

My goal quickly shifted from a time goal to finish without walking...to take it one mile at a time...to smile occasionally and to remember that I had done 4 marathons and 10 half marathons and that pain was part of the process...

At about mile 7 or 8, I started to hallucinate a little...I really think my brain was frying inside my skull...It was REALLY hot...my legs started to have that really bad feeling like they could cramp and lock at any moment...the "don't walk" goal suddenly changed to "don't walk...but feel free to waltz through the water stops" goal...

Then around 10 miles, I began to think about various 5K routes...I began to sense that I could finish strong. I decided to look for numbers 35-39 on calfs of runners...I found some...and passed them pretty easily...I decided that 10 passes starting at Mile 10 would be a great goal and distraction from the pain I felt and the inevitability of my legs locking up. I think I passed 6 age groupers...

My legs never locked...

The last 800 meters through Jackson Square was intense...I know my last mile was a sub-8 mile...I know I have a sub 1:45 in me if I train better...

All in all...the greatest and hardest experience of my life. Final time 5:28. The most important goal was met. I finished. I smiled. I ran the whole half. My ankle held up. I want to do it again...I was pretty blown away by the number of athletes who had to be carried to the medical tent...my coach came through in 5:24 and I had to carry her to the tent for IVs and a serious ice down...scary...But she qualified for the World Championships...she is a stud.

T-Bart WON his age group...yes...He WON it in 4:44. Incredible time in the oppressive heat. So proud of him. He looked great and deserves all the success this sport has to offer him. He too needed an IV.

Macray had an awesome 5:05 but bonked on the run with cramping...Great time but he is much better than that and was hoping to qualify for Worlds. He will...it's just a matter of time. He is a beast...

I am now in recovery mode...completely spent...mentally and physically...no interest whatsoever to do anything...EXCEPT...of course...obsess about the World Championships. Brian, Tony, Coach and probably Macray will be there...maybe even David Wolfe???

I want to qualify. This year. I know this is a long shot...I was 79th out of 359 in my AG. Can I spend the next 6 months, get my time down to 5:05-5:12 and have a shot? I am thinking about Cancun or the Inaugural Augusta, GA 70.3 on September 27, 2009...This would be ironic considering Augusta is home of the Masters...a golf MECCA...I dreamed of playing in the Masters almost my entire life...can you imagine if I go there to do a triathlon in an attempt to qualify for the IronMan World Championships...

Hmmmm....