Training with a Heavy Heart

It's been just over a week since the unexpected loss of our family dog Lyoko. Mel, JJ and I have heavy hearts. Today, we received her ashes and cried some more. It is hard to let go of the sadness and guilt.

Weird...But I have never really had to deal with a loss like this. Never really dealt with this kind of pain and grief. I can't figure out the right way to say Goodbye. How do you release the guilt and sadness? How do you move on? How do you somehow convince yourself that there is a reason for this...I've prayed about it and asked God for guidance...But so far...no meaning...no enlightenment.

Training has been hard.

Siesta Key on May 9 seems so trivial. Sometimes I am in the pool or on a run and just think about our girl and how much she loved the car rides and going on walks and showing off her tricks. I get the visions of her tail wagging and the way she always nudged up against us to get our attention. Such unconditional love and loyalty.

There have been some set-backs and victories since New Orleans. The ankle continues to act up although not nearly as bad as it has been. Regular icing and 800 mgs of Motrin seems to be doing the trick in terms of managing the swelling and pain. I feel that if I can ease the runs and up the swims and biking, I will be fine.

Some victories include a few Swim sessions that exceeded what I thought was possible...I recently did a 1000 warm up and then 16x100s in 1:35 with 25 seconds rest. Pre-New Orleans, I could not do 11 in a row. I have felt strong in the open water...I can do 20-25 minutes without breathing hard. The buoyancy in the ocean is incredible. Then, today, I did 1800m of drill work and moderate swimming and then did a 200 "anger" swim...Pissed off, I went all out and did a 200m in 2:53 which was nice...I knew I could do a 100 in under 1:30 after some tough drill sets...but did not know I had a sub 3minute 200m at the end of a tough work-out. On June 7, I have my heart set on a 6 minute swim at the end of the Naples Sprint triathlon (400m)...

I also did a 30 mile bike on Sunday in 21.0 mph and then held 7:15s for a 3 mile transition run. So that is also progress...and with the rest I took after New Orleans, I have manged to stay at 166 lbs and have felt stronger in my free weight work-out sessions.

Just found out that I am locked out of Disney 70.3. Snooze you lose. I was going to enter, do the swim and bike and then drop out. Just as a good training effort since I will be there anyway. Bummer.

Still mulling over the Ironman Louisville plan. Just not really motivated by the Ironman distance and much more intrigued by the World Championships and possibly trying to qualify in Cancun or Augusta, GA in late September. This is part of my problem. Proscrastination and lollygagging. I need to make the decision and go for it. Once and for all.

But it is tough to plan and prioritize with a heavy heart. That is for sure...